A Continuation from my Post dated 6/20

I want to embrace aging - actually embrace it, not just say that i am.

I hide. You couldn't pay me to go to a H.S. reunion. Or go to our suburban summer festival. I might see someone I know and not remember my last encounter with them because I was too drunk. Or it's a really bad hair day and oh yeah, my teeth aren't white enough. Again, i hide. My complexion is too pale or grey from smoking & living on caffeine. I can't talk to them - i am too ugly. Or my clothes look like hell. Again, i hide.

When I'm 60 i might look back & think wow, too bad i didn't realize i was good enough to run into old friends then. Look at me now? i really can't go shopping in my old neighborhood. On & on & on & on.

We ALL age! Why do i see women celebrate age and they do it with such Grace. Their peace, acceptance, and wisdom shines. Again, i hide.

I wonder if theres not some guilt going on. Guilt over not giving up sugar, cigarettes,  & coffee. Guilt over not doing yoga, exercising, & meditating/praying.

I've always admired the Crone. Her long, gray hair in a bun or braid, no makeup on yet beautiful. And a small figure from daily yoga and walking.

Now i finally have my natural hair color back and it's long. I hate the color & want blonde hi-lites again but that won't get me looking like my admired Crone, now would it? no. it. won't.